A Clean Room and A New Beginning

Two days ago I woke up at my usual time of 7:00am. Normally I get out of bed pretty quickly, head for the bathroom, and then to the fridge for my daily fix of Honey Bunches of Oats. But this day I laid in bed for a good twenty minutes. I sat there staring at the roof of my top bunk in deep thought. I thought about many things, family, friends, school, etc. there has been alot of changes in my life lately and it was the first time I was able to come to a realization of how much I had actually changed. I quickly put these changes in the back of my mind and then for some reason I developed quite an itch to re-arrange and organize my room. I began to think of how I was going to go about this and where to start, and was having some trouble. I quickly consulted my brother, the master of bedroom organizers for some help. He quickly answered my cry for help and inspected my room. He gave me a a few pointers and ideas and told me what I needed to clean up in order to make those ideas a reality. Excited about the potential of a much more spacey and organized bedroom I got to work and started going through the clutter. I decided to start with the closet since one of my dressers was going to be put in there. I stood in front of my large mirrored closet doors not wanting to see what was waiting for me on the other side of them, but it couldn't be any worse than my own reflection so I opened them. Yikes... I definitely needed a large trashbag, or possibly a few bouldosers and a dump truck. It was not long until the left side of my closet was clean, and then I began to clean the right side which is where I keep all my shoes. My shoes can be put into 3 categories. 1. the shoes I regularly wear. 2. the shoes I used to wear but got worn out, but I still have them for some reason unknown to me and 3. the shoes I never should of worn but me being such a nerd... wore them all the time. As said by Forrest Gump you can tell alot about someone by their shoes. I have found this statement to be very true. I went through my shoes a pair at a time with each pair bringing back some kind of memory from the past. There was my 8th grade banquet shoes, my prom shoes, my infamous wierd lookin white tennis shoes I would wear every chapel day to school, my soccer cleats, my work shoes for when I worked at Jimboys Tacos, and lastly my skate shoes. Out of all the shoes it was my skate shoes that struck me the hardest. It brought back memories that I was not ready for. Don't get me wrong I love skateboarding, but that is the problem. I just recently hung up my skateboard and tried not looking back but that would prove impossible because it was everywhere. Skateboarding was such a big part of my life and it wasn't just something I did but it defined who I was. Little did I know, cleaning my room would be a cheap form of therapy. In a way I have been in denial about hanging up my skateboard. I still had my skateboarding posters hanging in my room, my old skateboards stacked beside my bed, and my skateboard magazines ever so neatly displayed on my bookshelf. Thats when I realized I was in denial and that I had to let it go and come to terms with the fact that my skateboarding days were now over. I hesitantly picked up my old worn out skate shoes with missing shoe laces, and awkwardly placed holes from the rough griptape of my skateboard, and held them over the dark monsterous trashbag. It was if they were looking back at me screaming don't do it! How could you? I took one last look at them, said my goodbyes and dropped them in the bag. I quickly closed the bag in fear I would see them again. This moment was especially painful. It was if I was throwing away my childhood dreams, my identity, and my friends. I had gone this far so I had to finish it, I took down my posters, I threw away my skateboarding magazines, and looked on as my dad drove away with my old skate decks to give away to some kids he knew would put them to good use. Most people probably wouldn't see quitting skateboarding as such a big deal but as I said before it was my identity. I used to be able to say hi I'm Amber, im a skateboarder. But for now all I can say is hi, I'm Amber, and thats it. It is a new beginning for me, and a new journey to fill in the blank of who I am and what I will become.